"the Edge is not Hispanic"

http://www.improveverywhere.com/vh1.mov

Fake U2 concert fools some New Yorkers.

"Lazy Sunday"

http://www.youtube.com/watch.php?v=zLElfJ9YCh0

By request. "You can call us Aaron Burr, for the way we're dropping Hamiltons!"

Best SNL bit this year. Feel free to argue, but you'd be wrong.

"I'm ghost like Swayze."



alright, a friend sent me a link to the full lyrics. enjoy:

Lazy Sunday wake up in the late afternoon
Call Parnell just to see how he's doing

Hello? What up Parns?
Yo Samberg what's cracking?
You thinking what I'm thinking?
(Narnia!) Then it's happening.

But first my hunger pains are sticking like duct tape.
Just hit up Magnolia and mack on some cupcakes.
No doubt that bakery's got all the bomb frostings.
I love those cupcakes like McAdams loves Gosling.

Two, no six, no twelve, baker's dozen!
I told you that I'm crazy for these cupcakes cousin.
Where's the movie playing?Upper West Side, dude.
Well, let's hit up Yahoo! Maps to find the dopest route.
I prefer Mapquest. (That's a good one, too.)
Google maps is the best. True that. (Double true!)
68 to Broadway (Step on it sucker!)
What you what to do Chris?Snack attack motherfucker!

The Chronic (What?) Cles of Narnia.
Yes, the Chronic (What?) Cles of Narnia.
We love the Chronic (What?) Cles of Narnia.
Pass that Chronic (What?) Cles of Narnia.

Yo stop at that deli, the theater's overpriced.
You got the backpack? (Gonna pack it up nice.)
Don't want security to get suspicious.
Mr. Pibb and Red Vines equals Crazy Delicious.
Yo reach in my pocket, pull out some dough.
The girl acted like she'd never seen a ten before.
It's all about the Hamiltons baby.
Throw the snacks in the bag and I'm Ghost like Swayze.

Roll up to the theater.
Ticket buying while we're handling.
You can call us Aaron Burr from the way we're dropping Hamiltons.
Parked in our seats, movie trivia's the illest.
What Friends alum starred in films with Bruce Willis?
We answered so fast it was scary.
Everyone stand in awe when we scream Matthew Perry.

Now quiet in the theater or it's going to get tragic.
We're about to get taken to a dream world of magic.

The Chronic (What?) Cles of Narnia.
Yes, the Chronic (What?) Cles of Narnia.
We love the Chronic (What?) Cles of Narnia.
Pass that Chronic (What?) Cles of Narnia.

GorillaMask.net: Crying wrestling fan

http://gorillamask.net/cryfan.shtml
Let's hope this isn't what happens to The Big Man in a few years.

SNL Transcripts

http://snltranscripts.jt.org/

Trying to wash the taste of the last few episodes of SNL out of your mouth? If you're trying to forget how remarkably lame the Dane Cook show was, look no further. You can search transcripts of skits from the last 30 years on this site. For instance if you put in "get off the shed" you get this gem:
http://snltranscripts.jt.org/95/95ashed.phtml

see, now that's funny.

Another trailblazer

http://www.dailypress.com/news/local/virginia/dp-va--colorguard1115nov15,0,5093645.story?coll=dp-headlines-virginia

For the first time, Nightputting is actually looking for some interactive banter. So here's the deal, read this article and make your best one-liner in the comments below. Feel free to reference your fellow colleagues. Winner of best one-liner will receive a prize.

Weatherman

http://www.videovat.com/videos/743/reporter-live-snowball-fight.aspx

A weatherman's plan for a funny bit goes a bit awry. This made me chuckle. I've got a few more bits of the internet to point out over the next few days. I've been saving some good ones. So sit back, enjoy the snow day, and let's see what fun we can find on the many internets.

Also, taking multiple anti-biotics and chowing on Milan can have some unexpected consequences. "Boom, goes the dynamite", indeed.

Flag Twirling Heroes Press Conference

(AP)
CHARLOTTESVILLE, VA--- An angry Judge Smails, GM of the Flag Twirling Heroes, held a press conference early this morning to inspire the team and it's fans. This week's game against the hated IanFro/WhateverHisTeamNameIsThisWeek does have playoff implications, but it did appear that Smails had a personal grudge against "M-A" the owner/mascot of the IanFro.

Smails had an elaborate multi-media presentation to accompany his often profane remarks. Things seemed to be going smoothly and Smails broke down the position by position battles, pointing out how the Flag Twirling Heroes are the statistical favorite at nearly every position for this week's game. The GM seemed to lose his cool as he neared the end of his remarks, which no longer referred to the game on the field, but instead focused solely on "M-A" the opposing GM.

"Frankly speaking, this guy pisses me off," said Smails. "This douche puts out his own weekly rankings, and tries to write favorable things about some teams just to get people to stop taunting him. That's pretty ****ing weak."

"He's always whining about things like 'It's not a video game, these are real people,'" Smails continued. "Well, in that case jackoff, let's take a look at some really real people" With that Smails showed this series of horrifying slides.



"I can't believe this waste of space has the nerve to taunt anyone about football," Smails snarled. "Anyone who was lucky enough to get the top pick and have Tomlinson and E. James on the same team would automatically be in first place. This dick has them in 3rd place and is acting like he's some sort of a genius. He's not."






"It's a complete mystery why someone would listen to this guy talk about football, just look at him--he's clearly a moron."

Smails then went into a profanity-laced tirade on what GM "M-A" could do with himself this weekend (most of which is unprintable).










He concluded with one final picture and a promise on behalf of team and organization: "There's no ****ing way we're losing to this putz!" Smail then turned, kicked over the podium, threw his notebook at this image on the screen, and gave it a double middle finger salute before marching out of the press room to a standing ovation.

Injured Bad

A friend sent this to me last week (it also made the SG links today). A truly adorable kid and a great ad.

Food for Thought

The Case against Roger Clemens - Bloggermann - MSNBC.com


following a list of Roger Clemen's worst outings in the postseason (really a lot more than I had remembered), Keith Olbermann backs up some of the suggestions he made on his show earlier this week that the Bush administration has used terror alerts for political purposes. He lists 13 different incidents of a bad political moment followed with a terror alert announcement. Just something to think about, and discuss in the comments if you'd like. Like the K-Man, I like to throw something out there every once in a while to make you think.

- World Series game 3, tied and heading to the 9th inning. I hope this series goes 7. There have been some great games so far.
- Finished 2nd at O'neils tonight. That and $.50 will get me a diet mountain dew.

"High, Wide, and Handsome"

So, it doesn't come out until next August, but I'm definitely excited for this film for several reasons:

1. Will Ferrell is a genius, and I hope he plays this character like his imitation of John Rocker from SNL. ("I bowhunt!")
2. Sacha Baron Cohen (Ali G) is playing a French, gay, Formula-1 driver who has come to the US to dominate Nascar. This guarantees me at least two new jokes on the Colonel.
3. Ferrell's character's name is "Ricky Bobby" and he has two sons named "Walker" and "Texas Ranger." That's just awesome.
   
   

September 7, 2005 - Will Ferrell, John C. Reilly and Sacha Baron Cohen are all
starring in an untitled NASCAR-centered comedy that's just started shooting in
Charlotte, North Carolina. The film was co-written by Ferrell and director
Adam McKay (Anchorman). It tells the story of NASCAR racing sensation Ricky
Bobby (Ferrell) whose "win at all costs" approach has made him a national hero. He and his loyal racing partner, childhood friend Cal Naughton Jr. (John C.
Reilly), are a fearless duo – dubbed "Thunder" and "Lightning" by their fans for their ability to finish so many races in the #1 and #2 positions, with Cal
always in second place. When a flamboyant French Formula One driver, Jean Girard (Sacha Baron Cohen), challenges the "Thunder" and "Lightning" for the supremacy of NASCAR, Ricky Bobby must face his own demons and fight Girard for the right to be known as racing's top driver. The flick's supporting cast is rounded out by Gary Cole, Michael Clarke Duncan, Leslie Bibb and Jane Lynch.

Producers pitched the movie idea to studios as: "Six words: Will Ferrell as a Nascar driver."

That would've pretty much sealed the deal for me.

Set your TV to Stun

Makes Phaser Fire & Other Sound Effects!

I feel that two of my comic/sci-fi loving friends will soon be using this to "warp" from channel to channel.

Freestylin' Facial Hair

Gallery of� Contestants and Champions

I dare you to go to this site and not chuckle.

If I could grow "The Musketeer," I'd be about 225% cooler.

The K-Man's Garage Band

http://www.transbuddha.com/mediaHolder.php?id=437

Live shots of K-Man and the gals rocking out in the basement. Gotta love that sweater!

Nightputting gets no love

http://ineverslice.blogspot.com

What does it take for my friends to add me to their blog links? I've shown love in my blogroll (espn, eponymous, wetsloppyblog--all required reading), but yet I can't get any love in return.

That sucks, people are missing out on some funny shit here.

Zero Stars

rogerebert.com on "Dirty Love":

http://rogerebert.suntimes.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20050922/REVIEWS/509220303/1023

"I am not certain that anyone involved has ever seen a movie, or knows what one is."

Roger Ebert vs. a Jenny McCarthy movie isn't really a fair fight, but this is a good read. In case you don't have time to read it, let's just say he didn't enjoy the film.

ESPN.com - MLB - MLB Standings

http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/standings

Click quick before it changes. All is now right with this world.

Red Sox now 1 game back of the Indians for the wild card.

If these standing hold up over the next 10 days, expect Jim & Jim to celebrate in full!

top 10 worst sports injuries

While I applaud any and all sports lists, especially those that include LT breaking Joe Theisman's leg, I have a problem that a "sliced jugular" only gets you ranked as the third worst sporting injury.

hazing=funny

Some great rookie hazing here by John Smoltz. They might look goofy, but these guys still own the Mets.

Speaker Profile - Dick�Pound

Speaker Profile - Dick�Pound

Okay, the name itself is pretty funny. (A friend of mine used to have a "Dick Swett for State Sentate" campaign poster on his wall. It made us laugh.)

What takes the cake here is the phallic book cover on the sidebar. If your name was Dick Pound, wouldn't you be sensitive to things like this after a lifetime of taunting?

The Inspiration for Nightputting

I NEVER SLICE!!!!

HOME Fantasy Player Protection-We tackle the risk, so you don't have to.

so, this is kind of awesome. It's Fantasy Football player insurance. You can pay between $4.95 and $14.95 (depending on the player) to insure that your star player doesn't miss more than 2 games. Any additional games missed means that you get a cash return on your investment. so if Fred Taylor misses 12+ games, you actually get about 5 times your initial investment.

It's advertised as a way to "insure" your players and protect your investment in your FF leagues, but really it's just a way to bet on people getting hurt. Not as morbid as "celebrity death pools", but pretty close.

WhenYahoo! Sports - MLB - Royals 1, Twins 0

When you get 13 hits and get shutout, you've probably had some mistakes on the basepaths. Not a good sign for the Twinkies.

CNN Weatherman gets feisty

CNN Weatherman

No one interrupts the weatherman. No one.

a review of softball characters

Here's a humorous look at the world of softball. Thankfully, Team Hall Pass features very few of these characters (he's particularly way off about the girls), but I think we have seen some of these guys on other teams. The Chris Sabo-batting goggles-and-batting-practice-jersey-guy comes to mind.

I'm a bit worried that I might be the first character: The Manager Who Thinks He's Running the Yankees.

It's from paulkatcher.com, he's usually pretty funny and likes to rant about the Yankees, thus making him roughly 1000 times better than a person who is pretty funny and likes to rant about the Red Sox.

So now's a perfect time to run down the characters you run into during softball games.

• The manager who thinks he's running the Yankees. My first manager used to call me at work on game day to see how I was feeling, and thus gauge where to place me in the lineup — a lineup that changed significantly whether a guy went 1-for-3 or 2-for 3. A guy I currently play against wears a C on his jersey, which is utterly embarrassing. Another one sent out a playoff-game scouting report that had to have bettered 1,000 words — complete with hitting and fielding tendencies up and down the opponent's lineup. But the one that takes the cake: When my friend — who is awesome — subbed for a team, and the manager didn't play him at his usual shortstop because that's a "leadership" position, and he didn't want a newcomer there. You have to love guys who invoke chemistry issues into softball.
• The guy with two batting gloves. Any time a guy steps to the plate like this, I warn my fellow outfielders, "Look out, it's Willie Mays Hayes!" which usually means, "Take a couple of steps in because he's got a baseball stance, gonna take a huge swing, cut under the ball and hit a lazy fly." I can't think of a single excellent player I've seen wear two batting gloves.
• The hot chick who can't play. "Nice cut!" on a lazy looper to short. "Awesome play!" after a routine toss from second. "You almost beat it out!" when they're out by 15 feet. The whole time you're thinking, "She'd better come out and get wasted after the game, or else this is gonna be a waste of time."
• The hot chick who can play. The rarest breed. You see one maybe every couple of years. Occasional proofs that god exists.
• The guy who has to get dirty. I love the Rambo guys. They slide into first. They slide into home when the entire bench is yelling, "Stand up!" Hell, they slide back to the dugout area. Better them than me, because if there's there's gonna be bleeding on my bed sheets, it had better be from a virgin and not because my knee is scabbed from sliding into home during a meaningless softball game.
• The lefty who hits .900. In any league, the four best defenders are all on the left side of the field — SS, 3B, LF, LC. In a co-ed league, the discrepancy is even more pronounced, as there's usually a chick at second and in right. No offense, ladies, but there's a reason one of you is always catching, and it's because 95% of you are not as good as the average guy. Cheers to the 5% who are. Anyway, lefties have all the advantages, including short fences at some fields, and I don't even want to hear about the throw from second being short. You should be blistering it by lead-footed fielders anyway.
• The old guy who draws three-ball counts, then slaps singles everywhere. After the maddening frustration, the saving grace is that it's gonna take two doubles to score him from first.
• The catcher who is a walking health hazard. I'm only gonna say this once. To field a throw to home, stand in front of the plate, catch the ball first, then swipe. Those who stand behind the plate, then lunge onto it and into the runner are a boon to doctors' bills everywhere. (The ones who don't understand this are usually the ones two-hopping the ball back to the pitcher, as well.)
• The guy with college/minor-league experience. I used to play with/against some of the best players in Westchester County (pop. 1 million), and a few of these guys would absolutely destroy the ball, even pitches falling from a 12-foot arc. One of 'em helped us win 46-7 (for real) in a game in which we got up only four times. In another game, our opponents launched four home runs into a creek before we even batted in the bottom of the first inning. There's just no defending them. Like Dave Winfield hitting off Jimmy Kimmel in a celebrity game.
• The foreigner who overruns second base. You've seen these soccer lovers. They're in OK shape, look like they can play. The defense plays way too far back, and we get our hopes up when they beat out a 12-hopper to deep short. Then they fuck up the inning by thinking they can run past second, too, on the ensuing dunk hit by the following batter. Makes me want to pull my hair out even more than those who don't think they have to tag the runner in non-force situations, allowing a runner who should've been out by three steps to sneak a foot in.
• The bottle-necking slow chick. Much success in poorer softball games (i.e. company leagues) is attributed to errors generated by aggressive base-running. Make these fuckers throw you out — 90% of the time they won't, and 25% of the time the ball sails into the next town. Move one station at a time and you have little shot.
• The guy who takes forever during batting practice. All right, Wade Boggs, take your five cuts and grab a glove. If you fuck up the fifth miserably, feel free to take a courtesy sixth. But there are 20 people in line and no one cares if you suck and need 20 practice pitches to work on your swing. That's why you're hitting eighth.

Dave Matthews Not That Into Himself Anymore

you've probably already seen this, but a funny send-up of C-Ville hero, Dave Matthews.

"Rock music with a violin? I don't know," Matthews added. "Seemed cool once."

a big thumbs down

Check out Roger Ebert's review of "Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo." It's no surprise that the movie sucked, but you have to admire Eberts skewering of the movie and Rob Schneider:

"Deuce Bigalow" is aggressively bad, as if it wants to cause suffering to the audience.

After Schneider complains that another reviewer isn't a Pulitzer Prize winner, Ebert ends his review with:

As chance would have it, I have won the Pulitzer Prize, and so I am qualified. Speaking in my official capacity as a Pulitzer Prize winner, Mr. Schneider, your movie sucks.

As a lover of taunting, I applaud you Roger Ebert. Well done.