Nightputting

I Drink Your Milkshake

2008-02-25T19:14:00.002-05:00

Well, the KMan already linked to idrinkyourmilkshake.com, so I'll add this great clip from this week's SNL. Bill Hader is spot on. If you haven't seen "There Will Be Blood" then wait until you've seen the film--and definitely go see it.

Oregon Duck on a rampage

2007-09-08T17:32:00.001-04:00

Quit the one-sided affair. Although it looks like the Houson Cougar put up more of a fight than Michigan is displaying here in the 1st half.

UPDATE: Looks like the Duck will be suspended for next week's home game because of this beating. http://www.registerguard.com/rgn/index.php/rgup/duck_suspended_for_next_home_football_game/

Also, he's probably tired from all the post-touchdown push ups today in Ann Arbor...

nike+football+soundtrack-from-Last-of-the-Mohicans=awesome

2007-09-08T17:31:00.001-04:00

Nike football commercial directed by Michael Mann

two great video finds...

2007-08-01T17:17:00.000-04:00

I know a few Duke-haters/bowling-lovers who are going to thoroughly enjoy both of these. The "Bowlin'" video has some language that would not be safe to open if you worked in, say, an elementary school or something.

Here's "Bowlin'"

and here is "This is Why Duke Sucks"

let's give it up for Peter Rosenberg. I can't decide which one I like more, I think I'm going with "Bowlin'" for the clip of "wii bowlin'"

Office Pranks

2007-08-01T15:13:00.000-04:00

Here's a good (but I believe incomplete) list of pranks that Jim has pulled on Dwight over the years at Dunder-Mifflin.

Jim put all of Dwight's desk supplies inside the vending machine. Things like his name plate, stapler, pen cup and of course his wallet. Dwight goes to get a snack and notices this. Pam walks in and decides what she really wants is a pen cup. So she buys it. Without his wallet, Dwight can't buy back his supplies. Helpful Jim gives him a bag full of nickels.

it's not Yugiho, dammit!

2007-07-27T22:52:00.000-04:00

Here's the first of a 6 part series on how to play Magic, the Gathering. As the Big Man is off to Baltimore, to pimp his 16 year old BFF in the National Tournament, I thought it would be appropriate.

Also, here's the Big Man's strategic deck (enititled "Vial of Goblins"--I kid you not). Just wait until he shows all of Baltimore his Goblin Pyromancer---they will tremble in awe.

Minor League baseball rules

2007-07-27T22:30:00.000-04:00

Deadspin's weekly report on the many great Minor League baseball promotional nights and mascots is a great read. This one brings you a pretty creepy squirrel, a bobble-belly "El Guapo" and a great Office Space theme-night.

http://deadspin.com/sports/minor-enterprise/chatter-haunts-your-dreams-and-sees-straight-into-your-soul-283119.php

Case Of The Mondays. Monday, July 30. Brevard County Manatees (Class-A Florida State League). In what I believe to be a stroke of pure genius, every Monday at Space Coast Stadium is Case Of The Mondays, in which one lucky fan wins not only a case of delicious Coca-Cola, but also treasured items from the film Office Space. Included will be a miniature red Swingline Stapler, an Initech Coffee Mug, a 'PC Load Letter' sticker for your office's printer, some 'flair' and other stuff. So if you could just go ahead and come on down to the park on Monday, that would be greeaaat

a completely not ok way to celebrate a homerun

2007-07-01T18:11:00.001-04:00

This is not allowed. Not even if you and your favorite teammate happen to be wearing matching green socks and mesh shorts.

also, I'm loving youtube's knew easy "post to blog" function. now you all can enjoy the stupid stuff I find. hooray for free time.

*** Update***

Thanks to 10 for letting me know the old video got pulled. here's the clip again. There's also a longer clip of the same "highlight" with audio clips from Borat at: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9shwANgY5IY

yes my thumb got hit by the ceiling fan, but it was worth it

2007-07-01T18:08:00.001-04:00

this video basically replays the Wii boxing match between K-Man and myself.

best post-ejection tantrum ever?

2007-06-02T12:33:00.000-04:00

http://www.wdef.com/node/5567

I saw this video on CNN--terriffic tantrum from the manager of the Mississippi Braves, Phillip Wellman. I've seen managers take the bases before, but the building a mound of dirt over the plate, military crawl to the mound, and throwing the rosin bag at the ump like a grenade were all new for me. Be sure to watch this video--definitely a two-thumbs up from Nightputting.

the NY Post is not a good wingman

2007-05-30T23:58:00.000-04:00

Yeah, this is probably unnecessary. The Yanks are in last, and we're now stalking the guy who carried the team through the first month. My question is this: Will this lead to more or less booing for A-Rod?

http://www.nypost.com/seven/05302007/news/regionalnews/hes_a_yankee_doodle_randy_regionalnews_dan_mangan.htm

more Borat

2006-11-10T12:04:00.000-05:00

http://www.salon.com/ent/feature/2006/11/10/guide_to_borat/

what's real, what's fake, and how they pulled off the movie.

Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan

2006-11-07T08:34:00.000-05:00

"Borat tricked me! Can't I sue him or something?" From Slate.com:
http://www.slate.com/id/2151865

Newsweek article on the unsuspecting co-stars of Borat.
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/15175836/site/newsweek/

"I get a window from a glass, he must get a window from a glass. I get a step, he must get a step. I get a clock-radio, he cannot afford. Great success."

2006-09-24T16:44:00.000-04:00

Wierd Al's "White & Nerdy." There's at least 4 scenes that made me think of The Big Man.

Giambi vs. the shift

2006-08-09T18:46:00.000-04:00

good article from the NY Times on the shift that Giambi, Ortiz, Delgado, Thome, etc. face from many teams. What they didn't mention was that Jeter has taken advantage of 3Bs who are slow to get back to the bag by racing from 1st to 3rd on singles or fielders choices.

http://www.nytimes.com/2006/08/08/sports/baseball/08shift.html?pagewanted=1&_r=1

Bo Knows Tecmo

2006-07-18T16:18:00.000-04:00

Fair readers (yes, the 4 of you), I offer you two minutes of greatness. It's not book reviews of modern day Jane Austen novels, but it's pretty awesome.

best Tuesday ever

2006-07-11T23:33:00.000-04:00

thanks to Flash, the MW, the Big-Man, and the rest of C-Vegas for a great Tuesday. A solid lunch at the Guad, followed by an afternoon of hitting golf balls and putt-putt (you can't ignore the short game, baby. "drive for show, putt for dough!").

A bit of softball subbing for MW and I (he won, I lost) led to some trivia at Felinis, wings and beer at the Wing with the all-star game, and then down to Bluelight, where things got a bit wacky for a Tuesday night. No Dan-the-man behind bar, but we did get quite a show from the med-school girls, particularly from "Tits McGee and Holly McBoob" as the Big Man called it. Well, they sure took a liking to us as well. A few rounds of various "bombs" later and I was shuttle-bussing the crew plus a couple new friends to the Corner for some late night sandwiches. A solid night of debauchery, indeed. "Bombs over Baghdad, baby"

I need one of these

2006-07-11T10:40:00.000-04:00

I wonder if they can fit "Flag-Twirling Heroes" on one of these. That's right, I plan on dominating.

seriously?

2006-07-11T10:08:00.000-04:00

back in February, over on the K-Man's "Eponymous Serious" blog I vented about the White House's press releases about the deficit. Each of the last 4 years, they've released the deficit numbers in the winter, overestimating how large it is so that come summer they can say "look it's only $300 million, it's better than expected! We saved all this money!" Well, it seems that today's headline that "White House heralds improved deficit figures" means that they've done it again.

Couple questions:

do they think that little of the American people?
can you really "herald" the announcement that you've spent nearly $300 million more than you took in?

also, Congress is talking about banning internet gambling, and that will really cause me to rant. Looks like our Congressman, Virgil Goode, is a co-sponsor, so I probably can't talk him out of this one. Guess I'll just email our Senators and hope they kill it. The hypocrisy of banning poker and sports betting (which, I argue, are skill games) but allowing online state lotteries or horse-racing to continue is troubling.

alright, I'm off to find something more fun to blog about.

Meet the Mets

2006-07-10T16:33:00.000-04:00

http://www.newsday.com/sports/baseball/mets/ny-mets-newsong,0,7279509.mp3file?coll=ny-sports-headlines (audio)

Here's the new Mets theme song: "Our Team, Our Time." This would be 20 times funnier if they were 15 games under .500, but it's still ridiculous. Yet another sign why they will always be 2nd fiddle when it comes to NY baseball.

"Pedro Martinez will strike you out!"
"David Wright, Jose Reyes making sure you're not safe."

"You're with me, Leather."

2006-07-10T16:08:00.000-04:00

This is from Deadspin, an excellent sports blog that always has funny/odd stuff like this.

http://deadspin.com/sports/chris-berman/he-could-go-all-the-way-166410.php

The jist of the story is this:

But my friend was seriously putting the moves on this somewhat attractive young woman, who was wearing leather pants and had a leather jacket draped over her lap. They had been chatting at the bar for about an hour, and my friend thought he was in the house. I had never seen someone work so hard for a score.
But just as he was putting on the finishing touches, Chris Berman walks by. And without even breaking stride, Berman looks at the girl, points and says “You’re with me, leather.” And the girl looks up, instantly recognizes Berman, snatches up her jacket and walks out with him, leaving my friend in mid-sentence.

Tony Kornheiser snuck it in on his radio show, so did some guy on SportsCenter and they've even got t-shirts.

In other annoying ESPN yelling-heads news, here's some solid heckling of Stephen A. Smith.

Commencement with comedians

2006-07-10T15:53:00.000-04:00

Conan, Jon Stewart, and Stephen Colbert with their addresses to the graduates.

All are solid, hard to pick a winner. The Jon Stewart speech is so good it almost made me wish I had went to Ye Olde Collegee ofe Williame ande Marye.

Shawn Bradley's highlight video

2006-07-10T15:43:00.000-04:00

Well, not exactly his "highlights" but these clips are awesome. Pretty much everyone dunking on Bradley. A seperate section of Shaq abusing them reminds me of my favorite Shaq interview:

reporter: Shaq, do you think you could score 100 points in a game like Wilt?
Shaq: (ponders for a moment) Yeah, probably, if the situation presented it.
reporter: Is there a player you think you could score 100 points against?
Shaq: : (with no hesitaion) Yes, Shawn Bradley.

Soccer stuff

2006-07-10T15:24:00.001-04:00

http://www.freakonomics.com/blog/2006/06/27/in-soccer-it-is-not-whether-you-win-or-lose-but-how-you-play-the-game/

From the Freakonomics blog, here's a look at why you should kick the penalty kicks straight down the middle (but not off the crossbar David Trezeguet)

"Zizou, No!!!!"

the Post had an article yesterday about some of the songs in the stands during the Cup.

more basketball goodness

2006-02-28T22:49:00.000-05:00

just an awesome commercial. the camera angles are right on with some of the historic Jordan moments.

ESPN.com - GEN - Autistic teen's hoop heroics hook Hollywood

2006-02-28T21:55:00.000-05:00

ESPN.com - GEN - Autistic teen's hoop heroics hook Hollywood

per request. I'll link the video via youtube later on.

okay, here's some video magic to really bring the story home.

Sony Pictures - Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby

2006-02-13T22:14:00.000-05:00

Sony Pictures - Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby

wow, even better than I had expected. I can't wait to join the "Fast Club" more on this after I'm done watching Jack Bauer save the world.

Super Bowl XL Commercials on Google Video

2006-02-06T07:56:00.000-05:00

Super Bowl XL Commercials on Google Video

here you go, all the commercials you can't remember from yesterday's game. Only a couple good ones this year. I'm sticking with the Bud Light "On the Roof" ad as my favorite. Michelob Amber is my runner-up.

YouTube - Hooked on a feeling

2006-01-29T20:23:00.000-05:00

YouTube - Hooked on a feeling:

Ooga chakka indeed, David.

Daily Show searches for the taint

2006-01-20T09:34:00.000-05:00

http://www.comedycentral.com/shows/the_daily_show/videos/most_recent/index.jhtml

Click on the "Level of Taint" video, it's fantastic.

"Jesus-God, would you look at the size of that taint?"

also, the picture of Sean Hannity and Chris Wallace was awesome.

oops.

2006-01-16T12:51:00.000-05:00

Wow, That Sucks.

You can see where this one is going, but it's still worth a viewing.

"Jeez Brian, I um... I really don't know what to say."

How'd that guy avoid a punch in the face?

A Jack-Off

2006-01-08T21:53:00.000-05:00

So, is Jack Abramoff a dick, or what?

Here’s his story in brief. Trust me, the more you read about him the more you’ll hate him. Let this will serve as your foundation of Abramoff hatred:

So he takes over $80 million from Indian tribes and pretty much screws them over. Plus he lies about his income and doesn’t pay over $1.7 million in taxes, screwing all of us.

Uses the money to buy sky boxes at DC area sporting evens (further proving Redskins fans are losers), then gives tickets to lawmakers and their staff --which blatantly exceeds the $49.99 limit on gifts.

Was a co-investor in a FL casino-boats company that went bankrupt--this got him one of his current indictments (so far he’s plead guilty on three others). He faked a $23 million wire transfer to convince his partners that he was good for the money. One of the group was found murdered by the mob (I guess I can’t really blame Abramoff for that part)

Took his favorite legislator, Tom DeLay, and others to a paid trip to St. Andrews golf course in Scotland. DeLay has the cojones to report to Congress that the nature of the trip was “educational” and called it a “fact-finding” trip. DeLay, currently under indictment in Texas for election campaign fraud, had the nerve to say “I have always acted in an ethical manner” as he was being forced to resign his post as House majority leader.

Abramoff bought a couple DC area restaurants which he ran into the ground, and which he used to break the above $49.99 limit rule a few thousand times.

In the process of screwing over Indian tribes by bilking them of millions in exchange for lobbying for casinos he managed to start playing tribes off one another. He was paid by a Louisiana tribe to help close a casino in Texas. To accomplish his task, he partnered with Ralph Reed, head of the Christian Coalition.

Fair reader, you might think that was an odd person to include in a deal funded by gambling. You’re right, but the money made it okay to Reed and his partners.

Reed passed on money, flyers, mailings, and other anti-gambling literature to preachers and churches throughout Texas, asking them to put pressure on their Congressmen to help close the Texas casino. They laundered the money through several organizations (some set up by Abramoff and fellow jackass Michael Scanlon) so the preachers wouldn’t know that their anti-casino crusade was indeed funded by a casino.

In emails between Abramoff, Reed, and Scanlon (Abramoff’s partner in scamming over $4.2 million from the LA Indian tribe), they referred to the Indians as “monkeys,” “idiots,” and “troglodytes.” Abramoff giddily wrote “these mofos are the stupidest idiots in the land for sure." "we need to get some money from those monkeys!!"

So, keep all of this in mind as you hear his name on the news over the next few months. Enjoy watching Republican Congressmen and Senators scurry away from this as they try to save themselves, and keep an eye out for the DeLay-Abramoff link over Saipan. They passed a bill a few years back that allowed goods produced in Saipan to be labeled “Made In America” but not have to follow U.S. laws such as minimum wages and working conditions. ABC reported that the island brings in the very affordable workers from China, and that some companies were basically forcing workers to have abortions to keep them working in Saipan.

Hooray for the party of big business.

And don't worry, I'll get back to the normal Nightputting as soon as possible. Maybe find a link of a kid hitting his dad in the nuts with a nerf bat or something.

Comedy Central - Shows - The Daily Show - Videos - Jon Stewart

2006-01-08T20:46:00.000-05:00

Comedy Central - Shows - The Daily Show - Videos - Jon Stewart
Watch the "Coot Off" video from Thursday's Daily Show.

Sen. Ted Stevens vs. Sen. Robert Byrd....it's a Coot Off!

local6.com - News - Toddler's Talking Elmo Book Asks 'Who Wants To Die?'

2006-01-04T16:37:00.000-05:00

local6.com - News - Toddler's Talking Elmo Book

play the video. pretty funny stuff. maybe not to 3 year olds, but I've found that very few of them are reading this blog these days.

"the Edge is not Hispanic"

2005-12-21T10:38:00.000-05:00

http://www.improveverywhere.com/vh1.mov

Fake U2 concert fools some New Yorkers.

"Lazy Sunday"

2005-12-20T06:53:00.000-05:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch.php?v=zLElfJ9YCh0

By request. "You can call us Aaron Burr, for the way we're dropping Hamiltons!"

Best SNL bit this year. Feel free to argue, but you'd be wrong.

"I'm ghost like Swayze."

alright, a friend sent me a link to the full lyrics. enjoy:

Lazy Sunday wake up in the late afternoon
Call Parnell just to see how he's doing

Hello? What up Parns?
Yo Samberg what's cracking?
You thinking what I'm thinking?
(Narnia!) Then it's happening.

But first my hunger pains are sticking like duct tape.
Just hit up Magnolia and mack on some cupcakes.
No doubt that bakery's got all the bomb frostings.
I love those cupcakes like McAdams loves Gosling.

Two, no six, no twelve, baker's dozen!
I told you that I'm crazy for these cupcakes cousin.
Where's the movie playing?Upper West Side, dude.
Well, let's hit up Yahoo! Maps to find the dopest route.
I prefer Mapquest. (That's a good one, too.)
Google maps is the best. True that. (Double true!)
68 to Broadway (Step on it sucker!)
What you what to do Chris?Snack attack motherfucker!

The Chronic (What?) Cles of Narnia.
Yes, the Chronic (What?) Cles of Narnia.
We love the Chronic (What?) Cles of Narnia.
Pass that Chronic (What?) Cles of Narnia.

Yo stop at that deli, the theater's overpriced.
You got the backpack? (Gonna pack it up nice.)
Don't want security to get suspicious.
Mr. Pibb and Red Vines equals Crazy Delicious.
Yo reach in my pocket, pull out some dough.
The girl acted like she'd never seen a ten before.
It's all about the Hamiltons baby.
Throw the snacks in the bag and I'm Ghost like Swayze.

Roll up to the theater.
Ticket buying while we're handling.
You can call us Aaron Burr from the way we're dropping Hamiltons.
Parked in our seats, movie trivia's the illest.
What Friends alum starred in films with Bruce Willis?
We answered so fast it was scary.
Everyone stand in awe when we scream Matthew Perry.

Now quiet in the theater or it's going to get tragic.
We're about to get taken to a dream world of magic.

The Chronic (What?) Cles of Narnia.
Yes, the Chronic (What?) Cles of Narnia.
We love the Chronic (What?) Cles of Narnia.
Pass that Chronic (What?) Cles of Narnia.

GorillaMask.net: Crying wrestling fan

2005-12-15T21:42:00.000-05:00

http://gorillamask.net/cryfan.shtml
Let's hope this isn't what happens to The Big Man in a few years.

SNL Transcripts

2005-12-14T21:52:00.000-05:00

http://snltranscripts.jt.org/

Trying to wash the taste of the last few episodes of SNL out of your mouth? If you're trying to forget how remarkably lame the Dane Cook show was, look no further. You can search transcripts of skits from the last 30 years on this site. For instance if you put in "get off the shed" you get this gem:
http://snltranscripts.jt.org/95/95ashed.phtml

see, now that's funny.

Another trailblazer

2005-12-14T21:48:00.000-05:00

http://www.dailypress.com/news/local/virginia/dp-va--colorguard1115nov15,0,5093645.story?coll=dp-headlines-virginia

For the first time, Nightputting is actually looking for some interactive banter. So here's the deal, read this article and make your best one-liner in the comments below. Feel free to reference your fellow colleagues. Winner of best one-liner will receive a prize.

Weatherman

2005-12-14T21:42:00.000-05:00

http://www.videovat.com/videos/743/reporter-live-snowball-fight.aspx

A weatherman's plan for a funny bit goes a bit awry. This made me chuckle. I've got a few more bits of the internet to point out over the next few days. I've been saving some good ones. So sit back, enjoy the snow day, and let's see what fun we can find on the many internets.

Also, taking multiple anti-biotics and chowing on Milan can have some unexpected consequences. "Boom, goes the dynamite", indeed.

Flag Twirling Heroes Press Conference

2005-11-11T09:19:00.000-05:00

(AP)
CHARLOTTESVILLE, VA--- An angry Judge Smails, GM of the Flag Twirling Heroes, held a press conference early this morning to inspire the team and it's fans. This week's game against the hated IanFro/WhateverHisTeamNameIsThisWeek does have playoff implications, but it did appear that Smails had a personal grudge against "M-A" the owner/mascot of the IanFro.

Smails had an elaborate multi-media presentation to accompany his often profane remarks. Things seemed to be going smoothly and Smails broke down the position by position battles, pointing out how the Flag Twirling Heroes are the statistical favorite at nearly every position for this week's game. The GM seemed to lose his cool as he neared the end of his remarks, which no longer referred to the game on the field, but instead focused solely on "M-A" the opposing GM.

"Frankly speaking, this guy pisses me off," said Smails. "This douche puts out his own weekly rankings, and tries to write favorable things about some teams just to get people to stop taunting him. That's pretty ****ing weak."

"He's always whining about things like 'It's not a video game, these are real people,'" Smails continued. "Well, in that case jackoff, let's take a look at some really real people" With that Smails showed this series of horrifying slides.

"I can't believe this waste of space has the nerve to taunt anyone about football," Smails snarled. "Anyone who was lucky enough to get the top pick and have Tomlinson and E. James on the same team would automatically be in first place. This dick has them in 3rd place and is acting like he's some sort of a genius. He's not."

"It's a complete mystery why someone would listen to this guy talk about football, just look at him--he's clearly a moron."

Smails then went into a profanity-laced tirade on what GM "M-A" could do with himself this weekend (most of which is unprintable).

He concluded with one final picture and a promise on behalf of team and organization: "There's no ****ing way we're losing to this putz!" Smail then turned, kicked over the podium, threw his notebook at this image on the screen, and gave it a double middle finger salute before marching out of the press room to a standing ovation.

Injured Bad

2005-10-26T16:02:00.000-04:00

A friend sent this to me last week (it also made the SG links today). A truly adorable kid and a great ad.

Food for Thought

2005-10-25T23:58:00.000-04:00

The Case against Roger Clemens - Bloggermann - MSNBC.com

following a list of Roger Clemen's worst outings in the postseason (really a lot more than I had remembered), Keith Olbermann backs up some of the suggestions he made on his show earlier this week that the Bush administration has used terror alerts for political purposes. He lists 13 different incidents of a bad political moment followed with a terror alert announcement. Just something to think about, and discuss in the comments if you'd like. Like the K-Man, I like to throw something out there every once in a while to make you think.

- World Series game 3, tied and heading to the 9th inning. I hope this series goes 7. There have been some great games so far.
- Finished 2nd at O'neils tonight. That and $.50 will get me a diet mountain dew.

"High, Wide, and Handsome"

2005-10-24T17:14:00.000-04:00

So, it doesn't come out until next August, but I'm definitely excited for this film for several reasons:

Will Ferrell is a genius, and I hope he plays this character like his imitation of John Rocker from SNL. ("I bowhunt!")
Sacha Baron Cohen (Ali G) is playing a French, gay, Formula-1 driver who has come to the US to dominate Nascar. This guarantees me at least two new jokes on the Colonel.
Ferrell's character's name is "Ricky Bobby" and he has two sons named "Walker" and "Texas Ranger." That's just awesome.

September 7, 2005 - Will Ferrell, John C. Reilly and Sacha Baron Cohen are all
starring in an untitled NASCAR-centered comedy that's just started shooting in
Charlotte, North Carolina. The film was co-written by Ferrell and director
Adam McKay (Anchorman). It tells the story of NASCAR racing sensation Ricky
Bobby (Ferrell) whose "win at all costs" approach has made him a national hero. He and his loyal racing partner, childhood friend Cal Naughton Jr. (John C.
Reilly), are a fearless duo – dubbed "Thunder" and "Lightning" by their fans for their ability to finish so many races in the #1 and #2 positions, with Cal
always in second place. When a flamboyant French Formula One driver, Jean Girard (Sacha Baron Cohen), challenges the "Thunder" and "Lightning" for the supremacy of NASCAR, Ricky Bobby must face his own demons and fight Girard for the right to be known as racing's top driver. The flick's supporting cast is rounded out by Gary Cole, Michael Clarke Duncan, Leslie Bibb and Jane Lynch.

Producers pitched the movie idea to studios as: "Six words: Will Ferrell as a Nascar driver."

That would've pretty much sealed the deal for me.

Set your TV to Stun

2005-10-06T15:19:00.000-04:00

Makes Phaser Fire & Other Sound Effects!

I feel that two of my comic/sci-fi loving friends will soon be using this to "warp" from channel to channel.

Freestylin' Facial Hair

2005-10-06T14:54:00.000-04:00

Gallery of� Contestants and Champions

I dare you to go to this site and not chuckle.

If I could grow "The Musketeer," I'd be about 225% cooler.

The K-Man's Garage Band

2005-10-03T14:56:00.000-04:00

http://www.transbuddha.com/mediaHolder.php?id=437

Live shots of K-Man and the gals rocking out in the basement. Gotta love that sweater!

Nightputting gets no love

2005-09-29T12:13:00.000-04:00

http://ineverslice.blogspot.com

What does it take for my friends to add me to their blog links? I've shown love in my blogroll (espn, eponymous, wetsloppyblog--all required reading), but yet I can't get any love in return.

That sucks, people are missing out on some funny shit here.

Zero Stars

2005-09-27T23:15:00.000-04:00

rogerebert.com on "Dirty Love":

http://rogerebert.suntimes.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20050922/REVIEWS/509220303/1023

"I am not certain that anyone involved has ever seen a movie, or knows what one is."

Roger Ebert vs. a Jenny McCarthy movie isn't really a fair fight, but this is a good read. In case you don't have time to read it, let's just say he didn't enjoy the film.

ESPN.com - MLB - MLB Standings

2005-09-22T00:06:00.000-04:00

http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/standings

Click quick before it changes. All is now right with this world.

Red Sox now 1 game back of the Indians for the wild card.

If these standing hold up over the next 10 days, expect Jim & Jim to celebrate in full!

top 10 worst sports injuries

2005-09-21T17:34:00.000-04:00

While I applaud any and all sports lists, especially those that include LT breaking Joe Theisman's leg, I have a problem that a "sliced jugular" only gets you ranked as the third worst sporting injury.

hazing=funny

2005-09-21T17:27:00.000-04:00

Some great rookie hazing here by John Smoltz. They might look goofy, but these guys still own the Mets.

Speaker Profile - Dick�Pound

2005-09-21T17:17:00.000-04:00

Speaker Profile - Dick�Pound

Okay, the name itself is pretty funny. (A friend of mine used to have a "Dick Swett for State Sentate" campaign poster on his wall. It made us laugh.)

What takes the cake here is the phallic book cover on the sidebar. If your name was Dick Pound, wouldn't you be sensitive to things like this after a lifetime of taunting?

The Inspiration for Nightputting

2005-09-06T15:45:00.000-04:00

I NEVER SLICE!!!!

HOME Fantasy Player Protection-We tackle the risk, so you don't have to.

2005-09-06T15:38:00.000-04:00

so, this is kind of awesome. It's Fantasy Football player insurance. You can pay between $4.95 and $14.95 (depending on the player) to insure that your star player doesn't miss more than 2 games. Any additional games missed means that you get a cash return on your investment. so if Fred Taylor misses 12+ games, you actually get about 5 times your initial investment.

It's advertised as a way to "insure" your players and protect your investment in your FF leagues, but really it's just a way to bet on people getting hurt. Not as morbid as "celebrity death pools", but pretty close.

WhenYahoo! Sports - MLB - Royals 1, Twins 0

2005-09-01T14:09:00.000-04:00

When you get 13 hits and get shutout, you've probably had some mistakes on the basepaths. Not a good sign for the Twinkies.

CNN Weatherman gets feisty

2005-08-31T17:00:00.000-04:00

CNN Weatherman

No one interrupts the weatherman. No one.

a review of softball characters

2005-08-31T10:03:00.000-04:00

Here's a humorous look at the world of softball. Thankfully, Team Hall Pass features very few of these characters (he's particularly way off about the girls), but I think we have seen some of these guys on other teams. The Chris Sabo-batting goggles-and-batting-practice-jersey-guy comes to mind.

I'm a bit worried that I might be the first character: The Manager Who Thinks He's Running the Yankees.

It's from paulkatcher.com, he's usually pretty funny and likes to rant about the Yankees, thus making him roughly 1000 times better than a person who is pretty funny and likes to rant about the Red Sox.

So now's a perfect time to run down the characters you run into during softball games.

• The manager who thinks he's running the Yankees. My first manager used to call me at work on game day to see how I was feeling, and thus gauge where to place me in the lineup — a lineup that changed significantly whether a guy went 1-for-3 or 2-for 3. A guy I currently play against wears a C on his jersey, which is utterly embarrassing. Another one sent out a playoff-game scouting report that had to have bettered 1,000 words — complete with hitting and fielding tendencies up and down the opponent's lineup. But the one that takes the cake: When my friend — who is awesome — subbed for a team, and the manager didn't play him at his usual shortstop because that's a "leadership" position, and he didn't want a newcomer there. You have to love guys who invoke chemistry issues into softball.
• The guy with two batting gloves. Any time a guy steps to the plate like this, I warn my fellow outfielders, "Look out, it's Willie Mays Hayes!" which usually means, "Take a couple of steps in because he's got a baseball stance, gonna take a huge swing, cut under the ball and hit a lazy fly." I can't think of a single excellent player I've seen wear two batting gloves.
• The hot chick who can't play. "Nice cut!" on a lazy looper to short. "Awesome play!" after a routine toss from second. "You almost beat it out!" when they're out by 15 feet. The whole time you're thinking, "She'd better come out and get wasted after the game, or else this is gonna be a waste of time."
• The hot chick who can play. The rarest breed. You see one maybe every couple of years. Occasional proofs that god exists.
• The guy who has to get dirty. I love the Rambo guys. They slide into first. They slide into home when the entire bench is yelling, "Stand up!" Hell, they slide back to the dugout area. Better them than me, because if there's there's gonna be bleeding on my bed sheets, it had better be from a virgin and not because my knee is scabbed from sliding into home during a meaningless softball game.
• The lefty who hits .900. In any league, the four best defenders are all on the left side of the field — SS, 3B, LF, LC. In a co-ed league, the discrepancy is even more pronounced, as there's usually a chick at second and in right. No offense, ladies, but there's a reason one of you is always catching, and it's because 95% of you are not as good as the average guy. Cheers to the 5% who are. Anyway, lefties have all the advantages, including short fences at some fields, and I don't even want to hear about the throw from second being short. You should be blistering it by lead-footed fielders anyway.
• The old guy who draws three-ball counts, then slaps singles everywhere. After the maddening frustration, the saving grace is that it's gonna take two doubles to score him from first.
• The catcher who is a walking health hazard. I'm only gonna say this once. To field a throw to home, stand in front of the plate, catch the ball first, then swipe. Those who stand behind the plate, then lunge onto it and into the runner are a boon to doctors' bills everywhere. (The ones who don't understand this are usually the ones two-hopping the ball back to the pitcher, as well.)
• The guy with college/minor-league experience. I used to play with/against some of the best players in Westchester County (pop. 1 million), and a few of these guys would absolutely destroy the ball, even pitches falling from a 12-foot arc. One of 'em helped us win 46-7 (for real) in a game in which we got up only four times. In another game, our opponents launched four home runs into a creek before we even batted in the bottom of the first inning. There's just no defending them. Like Dave Winfield hitting off Jimmy Kimmel in a celebrity game.
• The foreigner who overruns second base. You've seen these soccer lovers. They're in OK shape, look like they can play. The defense plays way too far back, and we get our hopes up when they beat out a 12-hopper to deep short. Then they fuck up the inning by thinking they can run past second, too, on the ensuing dunk hit by the following batter. Makes me want to pull my hair out even more than those who don't think they have to tag the runner in non-force situations, allowing a runner who should've been out by three steps to sneak a foot in.
• The bottle-necking slow chick. Much success in poorer softball games (i.e. company leagues) is attributed to errors generated by aggressive base-running. Make these fuckers throw you out — 90% of the time they won't, and 25% of the time the ball sails into the next town. Move one station at a time and you have little shot.
• The guy who takes forever during batting practice. All right, Wade Boggs, take your five cuts and grab a glove. If you fuck up the fifth miserably, feel free to take a courtesy sixth. But there are 20 people in line and no one cares if you suck and need 20 practice pitches to work on your swing. That's why you're hitting eighth.

Dave Matthews Not That Into Himself Anymore

2005-08-31T09:53:00.000-04:00

you've probably already seen this, but a funny send-up of C-Ville hero, Dave Matthews.

"Rock music with a violin? I don't know," Matthews added. "Seemed cool once."

a big thumbs down

2005-08-31T09:36:00.000-04:00

Check out Roger Ebert's review of "Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo." It's no surprise that the movie sucked, but you have to admire Eberts skewering of the movie and Rob Schneider:

"Deuce Bigalow" is aggressively bad, as if it wants to cause suffering to the audience.

After Schneider complains that another reviewer isn't a Pulitzer Prize winner, Ebert ends his review with:

As chance would have it, I have won the Pulitzer Prize, and so I am qualified. Speaking in my official capacity as a Pulitzer Prize winner, Mr. Schneider, your movie sucks.

As a lover of taunting, I applaud you Roger Ebert. Well done.